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He is an athlete, loves his momma, and is happily married to a White woman.

I admit when I saw his wedding ring, I privately hoped.

But something in me just knew he didn't marry a sister. My body showed no reaction to my inner pinch, but the sting was there, quiet like a mosquito under a summer dress. Did the reality of his relationship somehow diminish his soul's credibility? One could easily dispel the wince as racist or separatist, but that's not how I was brought up. I was taught that every man should be judged by his deeds and not his color, and I firmly stand where my grandmother left me.

Although my guess hit the mark, when my friend told me his wife was indeed Caucasian, I felt my spirit...wince. African people worldwide are known to be welcoming and open-minded.

An individual, with her own specific hopes, dreams and problems, did those things. But the qualities that allowed her to do those things--compassion, commitment, vision--are not "black" qualities. But we often take this abstract, hazy view of an institution that, like anything else worthwhile, is mostly about dirt, work and tedium.

Relationships are not (anymore, at least) a collectivist act.

They really come down to two individuals doing business in ways that we will never be privy to.

Writing about this has helped me get clearer and clearer on this.

But at some point brothers have to stop reeling off stats about college and prison, and resolve to be something more. I've met very few (if any) black women who need a lecture on asserting themselves.

He could have a trail of baby momma's from Oakland to Kansas City.

But what matters isn't what Scott doesn't know, but what she thinks she does--that he's African People.

We all have a moment, as black people, where we have to stop the process of bemoaning what the world thinks of us, and start asserting that which we think of ourselves. Which is why I find this constant "plight of the black woman" bit bewildering.

It's totally out of whack with what I see/hear in my daily interactions.

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